Wishing Well - Ithaca, NY - Blogs

Giving with Trick Strings Attached

Jaya lalita — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 16:33:52 +0000

Note that the question submitted here refers to The Work of Byron Katie. This is because I use this method of inquiry with my clients. It's a powerful system (which people can learn to use independently, for free) that allows us to question any thought that isn't serving us or that keeps us from peace.

Dear Jaya,

I don’t know how not to get all upset when I’ve gone the extra mile to make something happen for someone, a particular someone, and he shows no appreciation. I don’t expect that much from him, just a basic acknowledgment!

I’m afraid you’re just going to tell me to get over it. I know about Byron Katie’s Love, Approval, and Appreciation, and the idea not to try to get those from outside of ourselves. I see the wisdom in that, but I’m just not there yet in a close relationship. And I do give a lot. I feel guilty (like I fail at spirituality), because I think I shouldn’t care, but I do.

-- Unappreciated and Guilty

Dear UG,

Forget “I shouldn’t care,” because you do care: so work with it.

Forget getting over it, and try this instead: don’t go the extra mile.

Let me amend that: don’t go the extra mile unless every cell of your being wants to go the extra mile. Going the extra mile, then, is all for you—not for Mr. Particular Someone. You go that extra mile because it’s something you love to do. You go because you like being the one who goes the extra mile. You go the extra mile because it gives you pleasure to do for others.

The pleasure, then, is in the doing, not in the getting-something-back (in this case, appreciation, which for most of us won’t easily be pried loose from love and approval). And the gift of doing for someone, then, comes with no trick strings attached.

Who wants you to walk the extra mile for them if you’re going to sit there conspicuously rubbing your feet afterward and whining out loud that no one ever thinks of drawing you a hot bath with Epsom salts? Believe me, I know the tune and caught myself starting to hum it the other day.

See if you can catch yourself when you’re giving with strings attached. Take a pause and ask yourself: Do I want to walk this extra mile (for me!) or not? If it gives you pleasure and makes you bigger and happier to walk the mile, then walk it. Dance it! But if your walking sets up an unfair expectation that someone give something back (however basic), then stop yourself. Stop even if you’re in mid-step. Just say, “Oops, I just realized I’m not up for a big, long walk today.” And move on to what gives you pleasure and makes you bigger and happier.

None of this means, by the way, that you can’t ask for what you want. You can tell Mr. P.S. that you love when he notices what you’ve done and thanks you. But then don’t expect him to remember it.

It’s always your prerogative, too, to choose to hang out with people who are natural appreciators. But if you go this route, I’d still work on not wanting or expecting the appreciation. If you need to work on this, an endless supply of unappreciative people will always be readily available to keep showing up for you until you get it. (You may therefore want to contemplate Mr. P.S.’s other, more sterling qualities before you give him the boot.)

Love, Jaya

Disclaimer: I'm a personal coach specializing in getting people from breakup to breakthrough, or guiding anyone who wants to do deep spiritual work to transform their life experience. I am not a health, business, or financial coach, and I'm not a therapist. Opinions expressed in this column are not intended to replace the advice of licensed professionals.

To submit a question for possible inclusion in a future column, please e-mail Jaya through the contact form on her profile.

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Be The Seer, NOT The Seen!

Patrick Ravi Walsh — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:00:22 +0000

Be The Seer, NOT The Seen!

There is a Helix Nebula which was photographed a few years ago and it is called:"The eye of God." An apt name for this nebula as it resembles a large eye staring out at us from distant space. This image creates wonder and mystery for all. However as we ponder the symbolic meaning of this "prolate spheroid" of dense gas, it can also make us feel uneasy to think God is out there, somewhere, watching us? Modern psychology proposes that the majority of our fears comes from the belief that when we die we will be judged by this omnicient being, this all seeing Eye!

In the ancient Indian philosophy called Kashmir Shaivism, God is called The Witness. The Witness is fully awake and compassionate toward all the other aspects of itself. It does not judge nor condemn. Enlightenment is equated with merging our perspective fully with this witness. Once we are permanently anchored in this perspective we have a divine vision of ourselves and this manifest world. With that perspective we encounter everything and everyone with peace and unbounded love.

To be that Seer and not the Seen, we have to work with our repetitive judgements that place us again and again at the mercy of who we think we are and thus the One we think other's see. This teaching is subtle yet profoundly freeing when we put it into practice. One of my favorite practices is to constantly remind myself to stop telling me the story of my life. Ever notice that when you are in neutral in your life: driving the car, out for a stroll, meditating or eating in silence, the narration of what is or isn't happening takes over your mind? This little spin doctor starts judging, critiquing and wool gathering as soon as we turn within.

Before we SEE this narrator in action, we may not even notice how its perceptions are largely based in the judgements we have adopted from others. Over time the narrator saps our energy, leads us to become obsessed with the opinions of others, defensive and even paranoid. To be the Seer is to recognize when the narrator takes over. This is the first step in silencing him or her. We can do this through simple techniques like detaching from it by grounding ourselves in the here and now. Instead of buying into the narration, we can name the objects in front of us with each inhalation and exhalation: breath >car< breath> tree<breath> grass<breath< bush>breath, etc. Eventually we can drop the naming game and focus on our breath as it goes in and out. The more aware of the breath we become, the easier it is to slip into the space between our breaths where the Witness resides; this is the center of our inner and outer power.

Once we taste the sweet freedom of living as the Seer and not the seen, we want more! This leads us to the power of inquiry or contemplation. Just Tracking whatever is happening in our lives as perfect to fulfilling our intention opens the arms of the Seer. The Work of Byron Katie is an excellent tool to find the Seer in the perceived chaos of the Seen. Like the Eye of God nebula staring peacefully through the maelstron of stars and galactic strife, The Work centers us in the peace and serenity of The Witness during the ups and downs of everyday life.

Be the Seer, Not The Seen!

This is the core practice and teaching I work with in Paradigm Shifts Coaching. Through private coaching sessions and Intensives, I guide people to find their own experience of the Seer. I relish the opportunity to witness people stepping into their freedom and out of the stress of living as the Seen.

For more information on sessions or upcoming Intensives, contact me directly via email or call: 607-220-6088.

The Tracking Institute Presents:

*Shamballa Reiki Intensive* October 2 and 3, 2010, 9 a.m.- 5 p.m. Nature's Song Retreat Center, Danby, NY!

A two day intensive to deepen or begin your practice of Reiki and Symbolic Tracking. Linked with the ancient Tibetan Buddhist city of light, Shamballa is the light of Unconditional Love and Freedom. During the Intensive, participants will receive four Shamballa Reiki attunements. These attunements allow you to use this energy for healing and consciousness raising work with yourself and others. Unlike traditional Usui Reiki, Shamballa can be activated and transmitted with or without hands on healing; perfect for parents, healers, massage therapists, psychotherapists, coaches, business leaders and all mindfulness practitioners!

Cost: $200 before Sept. 15th, $250 after that date.

Paradigm Shifts Coaching sessions:

One of the fastest ways to set a new course for your life or to recommit to your path. Individual Coaching sessions are dynamic, energetic and exciting adventures into your own Divine Self. Each session allows you the freedom to develop and explore your own intention at your own pace with the advantage of an experienced coach right by your side the whole way!

Sessions are available in single, or packages of six or twelve. Thirty minute introductory sessions are free to new clients.

Thank you so much for you! You are a Transformative Educator and more than that you are introducing me to my Self!

You are a matchmaker of the Divine Self!!!

~Lauretta Agolli, P

Contact me directly to set up a session or for your free 30 minute consultation!

Ravindra Walsh
www.paradigmshiftscoaching.com
607-220-6088
Coaching From The Inside Out!

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When You've Lost Out, You're Still Winning

Jaya lalita — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 02:26:24 +0000

Dear Jaya,

I’m trying to get okay with just having been passed over for a promotion I was hoping for that went to a colleague of mine instead. Honestly, I didn’t want it that badly. There were even a few things about the job that could actively make me miserable. Still, I can’t help feeling jealous and frustrated. It certainly would have been a good career move. Any thoughts?

-- Off-Kilter

Dear OK,

I’m going to give you four questions to ask yourself. Anyone can use these to contemplate anything someone else got that you lost out on, whether it’s a job, a lover, an award, or the last stuffed croissant in the pastry lineup. Answer the questions on paper or out loud to yourself or to anyone who will listen. Get very specific with your answers.

Since you’re already onto this one, let’s start here: How were you spared by not being chosen? List all the reasons why you’re better off without the promotion.

Next, see if you can drop any story you have about your needs or good career moves or anything about you, and consider this: Why is the other the better choice? Look at that person as objectively as you can and simply give credit where credit is due.

Now come back to yourself and answer this: Do you have an intention that’s bigger than this? Maybe something about which you’d never say, “Honestly, I don’t want it that badly.” Can you feel the passion when you speak of this other intention?

Finally: How is the Universe supporting your greater intention by not giving you this? Not getting this promotion actually serves you. It’s the best thing that could happen to you to ensure you stay on track with what really matters to you. Get crystal clear about what you’re up to, then you can let go of any jealousy that comes up about what someone else gets. They can have their beautiful stories, because you’ve got yours. And you like yours better! You’re really more than OK.

Love, Jaya

To submit a question for possible inclusion in a future column, please e-mail Jaya through the contact form on her profile.

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Finding the One Who's Worth the Effort

Jaya lalita — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 03:11:53 +0000

Dear Jaya,

Sometimes I think I’ll never be in a long-term relationship again because I just don’t have patience for it. It’s too much work, and I have no patience for that kind of work. Is there some trick to finding the one who’s worth the effort?

-- Selfish or Lazy or Hopeless

Well, SOLOH, there is a trick you’re playing on yourself.

You think the work is about the other. It’s not. The work is about you, always about you. Anything the other brings up for you—anything you experience in relationship that causes irritation or anger or sadness or shame, anything that requires you to accommodate for her/him, to explain, to negotiate, to please, to refrain from pleasing—it’s all for you. That is, it’s for your good, your growth, your greater well-being. (We could get out big words here if we felt like it: evolution, transformation, realization.)

Whatever comes up only holds up a mirror, to show you what you need to work on. Not what you need to work on for the other: what you need to work on for you. Not what you need to work on because the other has stuff: what you need to work on to clear your own stuff.

Look, most of it just won’t come up if you spend all your time with your loyal, trusty dog or random TV characters. Plenty of it won’t come up even with your children or employers or employees or whatever relationship you’ve got in place that has a power imbalance built in. Even close friends just don’t come as close as a lover. They just don’t get (the mirror) in your face in the same way, do they?

Ultimately, the one who’s worth the effort is you. Are you? Do you want to evolve any more than you already have? If not, then you’re fine as you are—fine single, fine with no patience, fine selfish or lazy or hopeless. But if you do want to grow yourself into the next even more amazing version of you, then first fall in love with yourself. Take the time to be with whatever comes up for you that’s not in the comfort zone or the day at the beach. When you become worth the effort for you, there’s no reason for the other who’s worth it not to show up too.

There are so many ways, while you’re single (or coupled!), that you can let the Universe know you’re willing to work on your stuff. And so many ways you can clearly declare that you’re not.

Most dilemmas in life, even inner conflicts, come down to a choice. The choice here isn’t about how badly you want to work on relationship with another. It’s about how much you want to work on you.

Finally, if you really have no patience for long-term relationship, why not just stay single? (Enjoy the sizzle and smoke of the brief flames!) But then I’d advise two things: 1) work on the selfish, lazy, hopeless parts of yourself anyway. You’ll be happier when you don’t see yourself that way. 2) Quit talking about the lover you’ll never find or the relationship you’ll never have patience for. If you’re still talking, you’re still looking.

Go look in the mirror instead. Or just go take that loyal, trusty dog for a walk.

Love, Jaya

To submit a question for possible inclusion in a future column, please e-mail Jaya through the contact form on her profile.

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Revisioning the One Who's Got You Seething

Jaya lalita — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 03:22:44 +0000

Please note that this column sometimes uses the G-word. In no way do I advocate any particular form, definition, or (God forbid!) gender for God, except that I do use it to mean the purest love, which is who you are.

Dear Jaya,
What do I do about all this anger I feel toward my not quite ex-husband? When I think of all he’s taken away from me—including possessions I cherished—I just feel this toxic seething inside me. I can’t seem to stop it. There’s so much good work I’ve done to get on with my life. Why can’t I clear the anger?
--Boiling Mad

Dear Boiling,

The only problem I can see is that you think it’s about him. None of this is about him at all. This is all about you and all for you—it can’t be happening except to move you forward. The ex is just showing up in your play as the Villain character with the dark cape and the oiled mustache. (Can’t you see he’s kind of cute?)

Since the beginning of human history, people have lost cherished possessions invested with deep emotional value. It doesn’t matter what they lose them to: war, natural disaster, family discord, random theft, malicious exes. . . . What matters is that there they are, stripped of something they held dear—something they used to create and catalog identity.

So we all agree it’s no fun. But can you accept and meet the challenge?

Will you accept that this is part of what happens to people here on the earth plane—people like and including you? Will you do the spiritual work being asked of you? Can you simply sit with how it feels to lose that part of your identity and notice that you’re still okay, and all your needs are being met?

Will you find the gift? When things get razed down to ground zero, we get to build something bold and beautiful and new. This is all for and about you too: you get to build what has nothing to do with the ex and everything to do with you!

Here’s a spiritual gem for you: think of anything that happens as always just happening between you and God—or you and you. When the villain shows up, don’t fixate on him. (Don’t shoot the messenger!) It’s always just God showing up again under the next guise, with the next challenge, the next gift.

If you see it this way, you’ll always win, because there’s no one there to have a showdown with. There’s just whatever you need to resolve with yourself, with God, here and now.

Don’t expect yourself to remember this all the time. I don’t! But it’s like meditation: as soon as you notice you’ve taken off, you gently come back; you bring yourself back to the breath. As soon as you catch yourself seething about the villainous ex, come back to yourself. Come back to meeting God. Notice how well you can live without all you think your ex has taken from you. Meet the amazing love and support you still have from the Universe on a daily, moment-to-moment basis.

Can you feel the gratitude rise up again? And can you taste the sweetness of that newly tender compassion for those who have lost more than you have in some recent natural or not-so-natural disaster?

Drop your story of the ex, sit with yourself, and you’ll simmer down. It really is intoxicating to go over the wrongs again. So don’t do it—or catch yourself and come back. Come back to the place where you know you are God, and nothing added or taken from you can touch that.

Love, Jaya

To submit a question for possible inclusion in a future column, please email Jaya through the contact form on her profile.

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Singlebrook iPhone App Competition

McKenzie Jones-Rounds — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:07:39 +0000

Do you consider yourself a techie environmentalist? Perhaps a social movement nerd? Maybe a naturalistic business guru? Then you’ll love Singlebrook Technology’s pro bono proposal to create an iPhone app for an organization that strives to meet the comprehensive needs of the community. A small custom web development firm located in Ithaca, NY, Singlebrook is now accepting applications from not-for-profit, social, or sustainable mission-driven organizations, or B-Corporations for its Singlebrook Sustainable iPhone App Program. Technology and activism unite.

Singlebrook, which has joined the forces of over 300 progressive companies striving for more than the bottom line, is itself a certified B Corporation. Developed by B Lab, a non-profit that establishes the legal and performance standards for organizations seeking certification, B Corporation certification communicates to the public and consumers that business is not business as usual. In a time of industrial uncertainty and corporate distrust, B Corporations let the world know that they care about the environment, social justice, and doing the right thing. Sure, they still have salaries to pay and investors to keep happy, but they’ve made it their mission to be sustainable and support their local communities. Thanks to B Lab, our communities can start weeding out the greenwashers and show our own support of the companies that have our backs, many of which we already know and love, such as Seventh Generation, Numi Organic Tea, and Dansko.

So where exactly does the iPhone fit into this dreamy marriage of business and responsibility? For one thing, people love the technology and the access it provides. If a phone can be more than a phone and act as a technological agent for justice and progress, why not utilize its power to spread the good word? According to Elisa Miller-Out, Singlebrook CEO, “As a certified B Corporation whose mission now incorporates a commitment to a sustainable environment, donating our time to create a custom iPhone app for another social or sustainable mission-driven organization allows us to use technology as a force for positive change.” For a technology company, it is the most practical medium. For a B Corporation determined to provide the highest quality products to its clients while preserving the environment and enhancing society, it is an enlightened business move; one that people are sure to notice.

Non-profits, B Corporations, low-profit limited liability corporations (L3C), and mission-driven organizations are encouraged to apply for the Singlebrook Sustainable iPhone App Program by August 15, 2010. Applications must include company information and an idea for the iPhone app that will be developed by Singlebrook. Only iPhone apps intended to have a positive social or environmental impact will be considered, such as carbon footprint calculators, shopping guides, tips for healthy living, and FAQs about protecting water and air. Singlebrook Technology will announce the winning entry on October 1, 2010 and begin development of the iPhone app in the fall. The web development company, in very B Corp fashion, will donate the time invested in the iPhone app, expecting to provide its client with up to 50 hours or $10,000 of free labor. The chosen organization will own the completed iPhone app, and likely the buzz and good press surrounding such an evolved partnership.

So if you belong to an organization with a mission, have an idea that could change the world, or just love your iPhone, more information about the Singlebrook Sustainable iPhone App Program can be found on the company’s website, www.singlebrook.com. To learn more about B Corporation certification, visit B Lab’s website, http://www.bcorporation.net/. The iPhone and existing apps can be checked out on Apple’s website, http://www.apple.com/iphone/. Singlebrook just might be changing the face of technology and business, all while putting a smile on the face of ethical stewardship.

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The Healing Arts of GrassRoots

Danielle Klock — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:16:49 +0000

Despite a 15 year tradition of service to festival-goers as well as performers and crew alike at Healing Arts at GrassRoots, many people still don't know about the amazing work being done at the end of the horse stables, tucked away behind the craft vendors. This is a place that once a year comes alive and is known as FLAME (Finger Lakes Art of Medicine Education), New York.

Here, dozens of healing arts practitioners volunteer their time to work one-on-one with people, or to lead workshops on yoga, dowsing, inquiry, living in the present moment, and more. This past weekend, hundreds of people came to FLAME and enjoyed the community that lasted but four days and is centered on the principles of abundance, sharing, healing, unity, and presence.

Coordinated by JoAnn Kingsley, a Licensed Massaged Therapist at Bodyworks Massage Therapy in Ithaca, all of the Healing Arts services are available on a first-come, first-served basis, and are absolutely free of charge. And while many people come seeking a free massage, they may instead walk away with a spinal adjustment, an herbal remedy, or maybe a new experience they may have never allowed themselves in another context. C'mon, you know you really want a didgeridoo sound healing treatment. (Trust me.)

Anyway, backstage at the Infield and Grandstand stages, additional massage stations are available to treat the MCs, singers, drummers, chefs, lighting and video crews, or a family member who just drove eleven hours to support her family.

I was there helping out, taking photos, connecting people and connecting with people. I never got tired of it. My job was to be myself, and as I collapsed, fully spent and alive Saturday night backstage at the Grandstand to the sound of the Campbell Brothers, I realized that's the kind of work that is real. It feeds you with something more substantial than food, and satiates a hunger much deeper than the pit of your belly.

There were several times when people approached me, assuming I too was an LMT. But when I told them I wasn't, that I was a Healing Arts ambassador of sorts, and offered them sunscreen or a wet wipe with which to wash their feet, that prospect was appreciated too.

And so I learned that no matter what your job, no matter where you are, by staying true to that internal FLAME, and sharing it with other people, we suddenly all have the power to heal. We have enough for everyone. We even have enough for you...

Please, let it shine.

Sat Nam,

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Make tiles with ArtHouse at GRASSROOTS this year

Annemarie Zwack — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 01:09:20 +0000

I am a member of an community-based arts organization called ArtHouse. And I wanted to let you know about another collaborative art opportunity. ArtHouse has a booth in the infield this year at the 20th Grassroots Festival of music and dance in Trumansburg, NY. Join us in making tiles that we will fire and be bringing to the Spencer Picnic on Saturday August 21st to glaze. ArtHouse will fire the tiles again and create a mosaic in a public place. Stay tuned to find out where. Or send in your ideas about a public place (it will need to be indoors) where you would like to see this collaborative work of art hang in our community. Thursday July 22 from 2-6pm, Friday the 23rd, Saturday the 24th, and Sunday the 25th from10am to 6pm. Making a tile is free with your admission to Grassroots and glazing a tile is absolutely FREE at the Spencer Picnic! Make sure you sign the guest book so that your name can be included as an artist in the dedication of the final mosaic and so that we can invite you to the unveiling celebration.

See you there!

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Photos of the Newfield Swap/Tweetup

Shira Golding — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 15:29:45 +0000

We had a great time at Phoebe and Matteo’s in Newfield with tons of people, food and, of course, stuff! Almost everything people brought went in the “free” pile, which suggests folks really do like no-strings-attached sharing. The event was also a tweetup, meaning locals who make posts to twitter, had a chance to meet up face-to-face to hang out.

Here are some photos from the first half of the event – stay tuned for more!

Share Tompkins Community Swap Meet #11 – Newfie…, posted with vodpod

July Community Swap Meet and Tweetup – our first event in Newfield!

Shira Golding — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 17:22:11 +0000

Saturday, July 17, 2010
The Wyllyamz Home!
6 Brown Road, Newfield, NY
Map

Drop in as you like for …

4-8pm Share Tompkins Swap Meet
6-8pm BBQ and Potluck
8pm… Country Bonfire

SWAP MEET
Bring stuff, services, or skills you’d like to swap, share, barter, sell, or give away. Think: yard sale meets opportunity to network.

TWEETUP
Would you like to meet others from the Twitterverse? This is a laid-back gathering for local & regional Twitter enthusiasts to meet one another and hang out.

COMMUNITY MUSIC-MAKING
Whether you are an established musician or just like to bang on the drum from time to time, please come and bring your instruments and play (or sing) along! Let’s make music together! (This can be ongoing throughout the evening.)

ALSO TO BRING …

1) Something to share: dish to pass, or something to grill, or a beverage (alcohol welcome), or a dessert. Veg-friendly event with dedicated meat-only & plant-only grills. If you like, coordinate foods in the comments section below.

We’ll also need picnic-ware: Please pack-in/pack-out your own plates, bowls, silverware, etc, or bring compostable: cups, forks, knives, spoons, plates (paper is okay).

2) Dress to be outdoors. Lawn chairs, blankets, balls, frisbees, hackysacks, games, guitars, drums, bug spray, towels, kids’ bathing suits, friends & family. There is a stream; kids (young and old!) can get wet!

Very kid & dog friendly.
Also, did someone mention s’mores?

If you are on twitter, please RSVP to the tweetup by going to http://twtvite.com/twithaca3 and clicking the button in the right column so that we’ll know you are coming. If you need help with transportation, let us know, and we’ll help arrange carpools. We are located 6 miles from the southern edge of Ithaca. Campers are also welcome if you want to avoid a late-night drive home. Thank you. – Phoebe and Matteo

RSVP on Facebook